Welcome to the conversation. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we communicate with the people in our lives. Whether it’s romantic, family, work, or friendships, one of the most important things we can do is create an environment where open communication is possible. I’m not talking about just being available to hear someone out. I’m talking about actually showing people through your actions and words that you’re a safe space. That they can say what they’re thinking or feeling and be heard without judgment.
That’s not always easy to do. Especially when something someone says hits a nerve or brushes up against an insecurity. Our first reaction might be to get defensive or shift the conversation away from what they’re saying and back to ourselves. That’s natural. But it’s not helpful. The goal should never be to prove someone wrong about how they feel. It should be about understanding where they’re coming from.
That means being able to sit in the moment. To take in what they’re saying and process it without immediately reacting. And that’s hard. I mess up at this too. Sometimes I look back at conversations and think, I wish I’d said that differently. Or, I wish I had really heard what they were trying to tell me. But that’s part of it. We’re not going to get this right every time. And that doesn’t make us bad people. But it does mean we need to be intentional about not using “nobody’s perfect” as an excuse to keep repeating harmful patterns.
So much of the stuff we see online about men’s mental health, and mental health in general, gets flattened out into absolutes. All men do this. All women do that. But we’re people. We’re individuals. And we each bring our own mix of characteristics and experiences to every relationship we’re in. When we try to label things in extremes or act like there’s one “right” way to express ourselves, we’re cutting ourselves off from deeper connection.
Instead of leaning into labels, we should be leaning into listening. We should be asking ourselves whether we’re creating a space where someone feels safe enough to be honest. We should be checking in with ourselves to see if we’re really being honest too. Sometimes the first conversation we need to have is with ourselves. Acknowledging that we actually feel things. That we have emotions. That those emotions are real and valid and deserve attention.
And from there, we start practicing. Sitting with emotions. Talking about them. Letting people know how we feel without turning it into a blame game. We start listening more. Asking questions. Giving space. And if we notice someone repeatedly shutting us down or refusing to hear us out, we also have to consider how much access that person has to us. That doesn’t always mean cutting them off. But it might mean creating some distance so you can protect your own mental and emotional well-being.
At the end of the day, this all comes down to effort and intention. You’re not going to get it perfect. Neither am I. But if we keep showing up and trying, we’ll build something stronger. And if you’re feeling stuck or like you can’t make sense of it all on your own, that’s when therapy can help. A productive relationship with a therapist can give you the tools to communicate more clearly with yourself and with others.
Start by having the conversation. Then keep having them. That’s how we grow.