07/22/2022: Chat with Roxy
How do you define self confidence?: I'm a huge fan of quotes, and the one that holds truest to me here is, "Confidence is not walking into a room saying 'They will like me.' Confidence is saying 'I'll be fine if they don't.'" Self confidence is believing in and truly knowing yourself. Not only that, it's embracing who you are regardless of outside influence. To be self confident to our fullest extent, we must swim within our depths to seek out and know ourselves to our cores.
How was self confidence presented to you while growing up?: Insecurities came about in grade school, as they do for most. I started getting made fun of for my red hair, freckles, big head, and big forehead. When I'd bring these problems home, my mom would say things like: "Do you know when I was growing up... red hair was the most popular hair color? All the boys loved redheads. Your hair is so beautiful, sweetie. You just wait until you're older and they'll be lined up around the block trying to be with you." "Those freckles are kisses from the sun... and that means the sun loves you!" "Do you know why you have a bigger head? Because you have a bigger brain than they do.... That's why you're so smart!" My forehead was simply covered by bangs the moment my hair was long enough until I graduated high school. I was the tomboy of us four girls, so I did get threatened with being dressed like a boy if I kept getting my girl clothes dirty by playing outside. My adolescence showed the teachings of being told not to worry about what they think, but doing everything to show that you do. I knew I stood out. When I started to dream about what I wanted to do for a career, I wanted to be an artist or an actor. I'd get asked, "What if John Doe comes swimming across the ocean saying he'll do the same work for less?" or "Do you know how hard it is to make it as an actor? You should get into real estate. Or since you're great in French class... why don't you become an interpreter?" Only to be told later on in life, "I thought you wanted to be an artist/actor... but you never did anything about it." It was contradictory as all hell, and I wish I could have seen it the way I do now back then.
Do you view it differently now? If so, what's changed?: Most definitely!!!! I see my parents' respective upbringings and why they chose to parent the way they did. Was it perfect? Nothing is. I'm still not sure they accept that as much as I do. I accept how lovely and messed up things can be at the same time. I got really into self-help and soul-searching to find my inner peace. I thought it was more relatable to admit when I was working on something I wanted to improve about myself than to put on a perfect front all the time. I'm okay with being a little undone, crass, and more of a broad than a lady. Instead of approval-seeking from my peers and family... I'm unabashedly me. It's not a perfect system. Some days I'm bulletproof... others? I'm beating myself up with a bag of bricks. It's literally a simple as, "It's MY life, not theirs." My favorite song for its lyrics is Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)". It originated as a speech, and has been paramount in my life when it comes to perspective. I'll end this question with just two of its quotes: "... sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself..." "Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia: dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it’s worth."
What do you think anyone listing needs to do to start being more confident?: They're already doing a great job by seeking out the words of one of my favorite open minds (That's YOU, Daryl!) First, Practicing compassion is important. The more you understand the circumstances, the more you can put "situations" in their proper place in your mind. If I tried more to understand where my parents were coming from, I might have been able to be more confident growing up. I didn't realize they had damage that was fueling their insecurities about what I wanted to do, or that they grew up in a more closed-minded time. Second, There are some cards that you get in life that you can not change. Love those cards... play the hell out of them! Anything different about you is what makes you special. That part of you was created on purpose for you to show the world. Third, Maya Angelou once said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." Practice doing what you know is right for you more often. You'll know... it's a palpable kind of energy that shifts when you do something your mind disagrees with. The more true you are to yourself, the more positive your relationship with yourself will be. Be someone the inner you is proud of!
Where can listeners find out more about you?: My only public social media page is @firebornphoenix on Instagram.
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